ETA: I typed this in yesterday but am only getting it posted today… Read on and you’ll understand why… 😉

I’ve been staring at it for close to 48 hours now. I click on Internet on my computer, and normally I get my msn homepage from which I launch into my wonderful day of work and play. Sometimes, when the net connections are iffy, I get a white screen with that message below (trying to connect…) and I know if it takes about 5 seconds, there’s definitely something wonky going on.

Well. Let’s just say I’ve stared at that white screen for so often this week, I almost feel it’s a wall I can climb.

I need a new router. I need it soon. Like yesterday. Or I’m seriously going to need to be committed. Haha.

I feel so bad that I can’t get to the Up & Runners on the forums and the galleries. Jes, hang on! I’ll be there as soon as I can fly on the internet waves!

Making the Most of It

So… what to do when I can’t get to my Up & Running friends, my Spraground family, and my one-million virtual field trips? I do what I should’ve done way way back. Start cleaning up my compy’s guts. Start trying to make sense of the kajillion gigabytes of digistash I’ve accumulated over the past year and a half. And maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll actually get to organize some of them in ACDSee. Maybe.

So here I am, in between stifling sighs and the urge to scream in frustration, in between constantly clicking on the Internet button and hoping and praying I’ll get more than a five-minute connection before it disappears into the virtual black hole again…

Catharsis

So while fixing my files in my compy, guess what shows on HBO? StepMom, that movie that stars Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts, and Ed Harris. That movie that is sooo real, where the line that separates the “bad guy” from the “good guy” is so blurred that it’s totally believable. (I love that. I mean, is there really a bad guy through and through, who has not a sliver of goodness in him? I doubt it. And for that matter, is there really a good, good person who has not a sliver of weakness in him? Doubt that too. So this is so real. You don’t know who to hate because you can totally identify with the characters, so in the end you end up loving them all.)

I don’t know if it’s because the past week has been particularly stressful, having to deal with daily (I kid you not; DAILY, as in every single day) trips to the hospital for my kids… mostly for vaccines but the one that worried me a lot was my little baby whom we were afraid would need surgery for 2 masses that started to grow… and Saturday morning, when we saw our pediatric surgeon, he declared immediately that there would be no need for surgery; that the masses were due to hyperactive glands; that they would resolve themselves in time. I had a bum stomach the entire week waiting for that appointment with the doctor to push through, and that very same day that I found out my little one was free (and I’m absolutely positive that it’s all due to the prayers of my Spraground family and my friends in real life), the stomach issues disappeared. Stress.

(So thank you, thank you, my dearest Spraground family, for all your kind thoughts and prayers).

So. I don’t know if it was that stressful week. Or the fact that I missed the Up & Runners’ chat that Jes and I had scheduled for this morning (not for lack of trying to connect). Or the fact that I can’t get to my virtual workplace even if I want to. Or the fact that I’m again way behind with visiting with you on my blog porch. Or the fact that I lost my mom when I was a kid and had a stepmom whom I loved dearly (and lost too eventually). Or the fact that I’ve been trying to be valiantly cheerful while wanting to kick this dumb router for being so unresponsive (and let me tell you, the support of my DSL service provider did not have a solution for me… in fact, I think the guy knew even less than my hubby, who called them to get them to fix it for us).

But. The fact is… I cried. Buckets. Pails. Pools. Heaves and sobs. I totally sobbed my heart out . So my eyes look terrible and I look almost as ashen as Susan Sarandon did towards the end of her days as her movie character.

But you know what? I needed that cry. Strange. But it felt good after.

And so here I am, typing my blog entry into Word, waiting for that magic moment when I’ll be able to connect to the net… at least long enough to get this post up on my blog.

(((hugs))) to you and do know that I’ve been missing you!

I’ll be back soon for another post! I have my router fixed (thanks to my always-knight-in-shining-armor, resident compy geek hubby)… so I am alive again!!! WOOHOO!!! 😀